detour

well ladies and gentlemen, there is finally an update on my blogsterooni about my love life.

i guess i should have known when i told him i had started 'for the heck of it' a blog and he could not have seemed less interested in anything to do with something resembling the explanations of the goings-on of my life.

i guess i should have known when i laughed really hard at something i thought humorous, i think it was a farting noise, he said matter-of-factly, "it's not THAT funny". no laugh-no smile-nothing.

i guess i should have known when i started to tell him about my drive up the central coast, the lovely Hwy 1, and he started to sing along to the song playing in his car.

i realized there is something wrong when i surround myself with men that are highly attractive on the outside but lack what i need on the inside. i'm like a moth to the dysfunctional flame.

but what i realized on a short road trip this weekend is

*poof*

i don't have to do this anymore.

and so i did something i've never done. i made my list of my 'needs' and my 'wants' in the man that i would some day spend my life with. history shows i catered more predominately to the 'wants' and not the 'needs'. paper and pen don't lie.

how could i be so clueless about what is good for me?

so i'm not turning around to go back, or cutting any sharp corners, but i'm veering. i feel like it's slightly to the right...just enough in a different direction that i would have a different view and i would feel new. like i've never been here before.

how the sky turns to fire
against the telephone wire
and even i'm getting tired
of useless desire