today is my last day at my job @ LE. packing-up my box full of things i have collected through the last year is nestalgic and very exciting.

for the first time in my life the only thing i am sure of is that Jesus is going to be there with me-wherever i go next.

i was told once by a dear friend that what i should say when people ask me what i'm doing or what i'm up to, i should just respond with, 'expect the unexpected.' i adore her. she lets me rest in the ever-changing excitement that my Savior gives me.

but He's also helping me find joy in starting & finishing something.

i'm going back to school!! yippy!!

i need a good book to read-i like non-fiction short stories. know any?

i'm going to spend the next week off organizing, hanging out with my neice, journaling, watching reality bites~inspiration for not selling-out~hopefully dancing, fasting and catching-up with friends i have not seen since i've spent the last week in the finacial center, downtown dsm.

maybe get my oil changed, too.

starting to get the juices flowing, again, for medical missions. you guys know anyone that does this on a regualar basis? i want to learn more about it.

lastnight i spent several hours, watching nothing on tv. literally, nothing. i did not stay on one channel for more than 10 minutes at a time. made me depressed & lethargic. i decided to give-up and go to bed. and that i probably will not have a television in my home. at least not one with cable.

i'm starting piano lessons with my pastor's wife after the first of the year. you don't know how thrilled i am to start playing music again. last days were when i played french horn & sang in choir. i quit cuz i was lazy. i'm ready for a second go at it.

also going to be taking an acting class @ dmacc...and new years eve is lending itself a murder mystery party.

i love all the new things i get to do in 2006.

ok - that last post about begging for what i want? yeah, i'm over it. at least for today. i want what He wants. cuz He's got a greater imagination & a bigger capacity for inducing giddy greatfullness then i ever have been capable of. i'm excited for:

the career he's preparing me for
the love he's preparing for me
the adventure he is laying footwork for
the babies that i will have the gift of nurturing
the souls he's planning for me to meet
the saved lives he's letting me be a part of
the daring things he's placing an excitement for in my heart
the childlike eyes he's giving me to see the world through
the blessings he's showering on me
the kindred spirits he's introducing me to

christmas was weird this year. had it on christmas eve & spent christmas day baking with my new kitchen aid mixer. i couldn't have asked for anything more wonderful. whipping and mixing to jamiroquai and st. germain. i want to host a cooking show where i make a dish (a dessert preferably), but also feature a new or fogotten classic album. blast it in the background. call it 'cooking class'. it would have been my favorite elective.

i enjoyed seeing my family this holiday season. i didn't have enough time to hang out with my cousin.

my sister was sick with & is recovering from strep throat. i am attempting to nurse her back to health with my homeopathic knowledge. it's limited, trust me. but i am an expert when it comes to strep. and sinus infection. my body used to go looking for the bacteria called 'strepducacis' (have no idea how to spell it & don't care) and when it found it rejoiced & swallowed it up. ick. ruined several christmas vacations. no more. garlic & glyconutrients. batta bing. and lots of water. and pressure-point lymph drainage. ok. i'll stop.

saw a good friend lastnight from colorado. well, he's from here, he lives in colorado. he's beggin that jesus reveal himself to him. he's been waiting patiently. i'm thrilled to know people like this. their hunger inspires me. his name is regan. would you ask for the Lord to reveal Himself to him? that he have eyes to see? i know he'd be more than thankful.

i start school in a couple weeks. again.

went four-wheeling lastnight & sat under the stars by a frozen creek. if it weren't for the cold butt i was starting to get, i would have slept out there.

the 'my morning jacket' album rocks my face off.

nora grace fjellman

my friend just recently had a baby at home. she had her while croutching in a hot tub, of sorts. really, just a big bathtub. and no kelsey, the hot tub was not chlorinated. she labored through the night, and in the morning got into the water, had one real good contraction, pushed one real good push and out she came. nora grace. her daddy caught her & cut the chord. the whole family was there. the midwife was there. when they were done, they walked upstairs and had lunch.

i want to have babies this way.

So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time

these lyrics apply to this request, amongst other things.

ok-one question. a ton of women are all hovered around one of their desks, here at work, looking at rings (diamonds) on the internet. goo goo gaah gaah.

what do men do this with?

pretty much the only good thing goin on right now

an email to a friend, my thoughts:

this morning has been wonderful so far for me. i was supposed to meet with a friend, steph (the one who had the wine party) this morning. 6:30. seems as though she slept in ;) i sat up @ freidrich's on 86th, reading & writing instead. eating my favorite pecan roll.

it's amazing how our God works. it's been several days since i've gotten up (ya know, the laziness & depression)...pressing snooze, sleeping till the last minute. sacraficing my time with God...'i'll do it later'. i hardly EVER do it later.

i think this 'plan' for steph & i to meet was botched so He & i could hang out with eachother.

so of course He totally ravaged my heart. He breathed new life & (thanks to my great worship cd & the book of John) a veil, of sorts, has been lifted.

i was reminded that even the Son of God did nothing on His own initiative...but what His father told him to. He also made sure we knew that He did not come to save us on His own...but as a response to His Father's request. the perfect Son of Man does nothing His dad doesn't tell Him to.

also, that Satan is the Father of lies. nothing that comes from His being is true.

He was a murderer from birth...
thinking about what he's trying to kill right now.

as i was driving on the freeway towards downtown, listenin' to my waterdeep, singing along...'how greeeaaaat, how hiiiigh, how deeeeeep, how wiiiiide, is your love'...
these words came to mind;

what if my worship alone is the catalyst for thier healing and salvation?

i think He's teaching me that there is a supernatural power in just me, alone, praising Him. i sensed (as i was driving) that the declaration of His being, His power, His love & glory, that the hearts of those around me in their cars on their way to their jobs were sensing Him. either profoundly or just slightly...
i heard Him say that 'this, right now, you, just loving me, is enough'

i remember the days when He wasn't so obvious to me, but that there were moments He seemed more real.
could He have me partnering in stranger's new lives?