chicos

my first picture on my very own blog. these are some of my friends from a little place named juarez. i still think about how sweet & sassy & talented they all were.

new job

so does anyone know of a job position that is described as such:

Position: Professional Spender of Time with People

i was walking around downtown today, getting some fresh air and i crossed paths with so many people i would have loved to spend some time with.

either sit & say nothing. ask them questions. give 'em a hug. see where they're from. see if maybe we have anything in common.

but the problem is, i realized, that i have no time.

why? cuz i, like a lot of us humans, feel compelled to do. and since i'm so poor & somehow have accumulated too many bills for one 24 year old single woman, i spend most of this time working.

so i guess i've made a bit of a resolution that i am going to focus on being with people. seeing it as a priority. Lord help me.

pretty sure it's jesus's eyes and heart behind this inclination to do such simple stuff. and i'm thankful for the excitement he's given me to strole, breathe, and say hello. only he knows what will happen.

eavesdropper

i'm such a snoopy little sally. what do i do when i'm bored & feeling snoopy? i go to my blog & i go up to the right hand corner & i hit the 'next blog' button over & over. there are some really cool and very weird people out there. what's weird, i guess, i don't know. sometimes people's humor is over my head. i'm ok with that.

but some people are just plain freaky.

got to have some fun tonight & made a card for my friend with some watercolors, cool paper and a glue stick. can one of you help me figure out how to do this for a living?

thanks.

pick your poison

antidote

an·ti·dote

n.

1.A remedy or other agent used to neutralize or counteract the effects of a poison

my poison is my depression and crappy attitude.

my antidote is thankfulness.

'In his darkest hours he (st. francis of assisi) still walked the way of gratefulness, devoting himself to the highest form of giving-thanksgiving.'

-Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust

gratefulness, he believes, is the ultimate act of trust-seeing that we can't really fully trust our God and that what He has for us is for our good, if we are not thankful for what has already been given. bad & good cuz it all brought us to where we are. right now.

salvation is enough

the greatest reminder my God could have ever given me about simplicity was given to me while watching my favorite person in the whole world, my nephew

erich douglas-a.k.a. erock

last week i had the pleasure of hangin with him while mom went to a movie. why i love him and crave spending time with him is cuz he reminds me of what really matters-livin'.

so we're hangin out @ perkin's school playground and i spy him sittin in the sand diggin around-i go over to him and i notice he's got his feet buried and his legs are stubbs-so i'm like, 'hey, can i bury my feet too?' and he looks at me with this gaze of joy-wide eyed & mouth open a little- and is like 'YEAH!'

so i do so. and then i asked him, 'hey! now that we don't have any feet how are we gonna get around!?!?' and he's like, 'we'll hop!' yes. we would hop on our stubs.

then he proceeds to death-defyingly climb a jungle gym that was made for giant children (he's only 4) while his mother & i stand by but force ourselves to look the other way, knowing that we may FREAK if we know which limbs are hanging from which high place.

mom leaves & we start diggin again-and he's bumbed that he didn't bring his shovel. whine, whine, and i'm like, crap, we can't go back & get his shovel cuz if we do, it'll be dark before we know it-so i, being the genius that i am, was like 'hey, let's try to find something that will be our shovel.' not much luck there. finally we resorted to using my sandals. he loved it. and why? cuz he's a kid. and he's simple and he doesn't care about all the rediculous details that we do. AAAHH! i'm jealous.

then we're walkin back home and he looks up @ the sky while i'm knelt over putting on his shoe & he's like, 'look erica, the moon is out during the day!' sho nuf it was. 'jesus put it there-it's so pretty.'

yeah. that's what he said. he's a genius & a man that fears the Lord.

he proceeds to impress me with his simple faith and wide-eyed optimism. several times it made me cry for what i've lost.

he's four but his hands are still small enough to feel really special when he plays with my fingers when i'm reading him a book.

he's still short enough that he has to lean on my shoulders when i'm helping him put his pants on.

what i was left with was my last encounter of the evening. he swept himself off to bed (props to mom) in a obediant manner-and as i lay there with him, before i tucked him in, i asked if he wanted to pray. he sure did. 'thank you jesus for mom, for jessie, for erica, for kirt, for gramagrandpa gennie, for gramagrandpa tami, for daddy, for sean, for mariah, for sindey, for jess & kirt's baby.'

that's it. just thanks. and like one request for 'jesus watch over jess & kirt's baby'. his little soft hands folded in front of his tiny little lips.

i lost it.

and i realized that it's been so long since i've really given thanks, i needed to be taught again.

and he did.

sideways

so i finally watched this movie all my cultured and intelligent friends raved about. i have several observations:

1) that balding character (miles i think is his name) was way too much of a bummer for me.
2) ironically he reminded me of myself on my self-pity days. ick.
3) he made me feel really good about my life
4) jack is way too tan
5) i love the scene about the pinot & why miles loves 'the pinot'& why mia loves wine. made me go pour a glass of my own. sniff, sip, swish, swallow. yes.
6) i loved the road signs & how they flashed the town name at the bottom of the screen-'hey! i've been there!'
7) didn't appreciate the raunchy sex blips
8) thought sevral times, 'that's EXACTLY how california is!!' the vineyards really look like that *they glow*
9) the experience of all day wine tasting is much like what miles experienced--a slow, but sure buzz turning into a warm drunk that you couldn't have avoided & cannot get rid of (the dinner scene portrayed perfectly a wine buzz-and the unfortunate realities of one)
10) can't decide if jack (forget real name) is a good actor or not.
11) i secretly loved all the hoity toity wine talk-it is pretty rad stuff and they are right IT IS *ALIVE*

but overall i was left feeling undecided about the whole thing-enjoyed myself but not overly inspired. not like i was when i watched 'divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood' or 'the sandlot'. now those make you wanna go out & live.

crossroads

have you ever tried to 'figure out' your life only to be slapped in the face with what might actually be the path you were meant to go down? this i have done often. always thinking, alway scheeming. always planning something-only to be shown i was off-even just a bit. part of me thinks it's my nature, which in a way i feel strongly it is, as i have felt this way for as long as i've been alive.

then part of me thinks it's my flesh obsessed with 'the other side' the 'grass is greener'. this i'm sorting out with God.

but anyhoo just when i start to get all settled-down here in the DSM, i start to figure out my budget, how i'm going to strategize getting rid of my debt, how i'm going to get healthy, got some really righteous people to hang with, got myself a new ride, got a job that pays well, yada, yada, i get flipped upside-down with the possibility to pursue my dream.

that is:

working with college-aged folks at a campus ministry at a school in a town named columbia, south carolina.

now whether or not i'm even the most perfect fit for the job is still to be decided. what's also to be decided is if i want to leave my good paying job, for ministry wages, my plan to reduce my debt, my good friends, my family, my comfort. you get the picture.

so what would you do? would you take that leap? what would you pray for? i've prayed for all the different sides and now i'm prayed-out. thought that wasn't possible, but i think i might be, even for just a little while.

so is this offer an answer to my heart's prayer or is it a exit in the wrong direction, disguised as something i've been waiting so long for?

beautiful stranger

so, i was perusing the internet & ran across the updated website of the most righteous campus ministry on the planet, the shack @ usc in south carolina. spent a year there my sophmore year. changed my life. the most authentic, honest, transparent, jesus-loving folks i've ever come across.

aaannnyyywayyy...so i'm checking out their new website & i run across their 'blog' section. i check out brittanyjo's. immediately i fell in love. reasons why:

1) she's honest
2) she loves Jesus
3) she's funny
4) she's weird
5) she's got 'black bird' playing (ps-how they heck do you do that! sweeet!)
6) she's got a great pic
7) her heart seems big

like i said, i don't know her. but i think i could really like her. as my friend keri has coined, she's my new 'girl crush'. they're a ton of fun.

anyhoo...so yah, i hope to meet this bright girl someday. maybe sooner than later as i might be jaunting down there here in the new future.

check it out: www.theshackusc.com BLOGS section-sweet kids ya'll.

the waiting

the waiting is the hardest part
every day you see one more card
you take it on faith, you take it to the heart
the waiting is the hardest part

tom petty



man. 'lady in waiting'. never read the book & really don't want to-but whose title all too well describes this lurking feeling i get a lot where my arrival is just around the corner.

just

around

the corner

and then i catch myself watching kids play in fountains, wishing i had my camera. co-workers and myself having a really good laugh at stupid emails & sounds coming from construction under us that sound like very painful gas. and i'm fine.

my plight in life is that i want a lot.

and at the same time i yearn for only a few seemingly unattainable things.

a very good friend of mine constantly has to remind me that i will never arrive. did you hear that?? we will never arrive. not here on this big ball of a planet.

so what am i waiting for?

i guess i've had to realize over and over that i'm waiting to lay in the arms of my Savior.

all this stuff right now is really nice. the babies that smell like skin and love and mama's milk. really good music. chocolate suffles. scripture. kissing. holding cats while they purrrrr and crave your affection. revalations from the Holy Spirit. reading stories outloud. swimming outside.

and i guess some people might say, 'that erica, she really just needs to find some peace.' my problem is is that while i know peace and know love, deep life-altering love, i crave completion. completion of my soul being united with the one it was made to be with.

and that's all i have to say about that.

aha moment

jesus himself reminded me as i walked in the shade and dipped my feet in the fountain downtown-of what is most important. if i spend my time, energy & heart here-then deep joy is inevitable.

1) Love Him
2) Take care of myself
3) Be in community

and the assurance that everything else will sort itself out settled in my heart.




...the law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. the statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple...

'nuf said

have you ever just taken a whim & checked out your horoscope to see how wrong it is? well today something funny happened

considering the last words from my Heavenly Father were 'let go' and 'it's time for what you need'

Sagittarius (nov. 22-dec.21)
Dare to raise your standards. Your ideas about what you deserve may be the only thing holding you back. As addictive as relationship drama can be, avoid it.

we wanted to find love
we wanted success
until nothing was enough
til my middle name was excess

pj harvey

i've been operating with these lyrics as my anthem for probably about 10 years now. 'all or nothing' used to be my MO and now i'm just tired. i'm tired of not resting and not breathing and not being willing to really learn. part of learning too is putting your heart out on the line knowing that it could be ripped out and snapped in half and i'd be forced to stare at it's unclear border on the ground through my tear-filled eyes.

lastnight i got home from my good friend's house and ran into the backyard and fell to my knees and cried out to my God to release me from the hell of my expectations. i always wanted to save the world. i always wanted to adopt a child from africa. i always have wanted a great husband and amazing children. i always wanted to 'do something big'.

i'm realizing that He is there, in all things, truely. and if i acknowledge that, it is the power of His Risen Son that make things life changing or 'big' perhaps.

it just doesn't get me the attention i've always been so hungry for.

so maybe i let go, and let love and success find me while i have fun reading The Hobbit, making jewelry and dancing hard with friends.

natalie rene

i am again an auntie, this time to a beautiful baby girl...

my new little niece has arrived safe & sound. mommy had a c-section and is up & at-'em today. got pictures coming...and she's got her own blog. check her out under Baby Freundl *GOO* under 'links.'

today is a GOOD day.