they say love hurts

love won't play any games with you
anymore if you don't want it to

ryan adams


i'm starting to understand what it means to have false idols. and what if one of these idols is romantic love?

i have a friend who is involved in an abusive relationship. she lives with a 26 year-old boy (notice-not a man) that hits her, chokes her and threatens her life. he controls her money, spends her money, never does anything nice for her.

she had to call the cops on him lastnight because she was afraid for her life. she was afraid for her life and this wasn't the first time.

we talk all day about it-many days, how he doesn't deserve her, how she's tired of this life, how she's not sure God wants anything better for her.

despite all this, my friend is considering going back to him. she loves him. she believes he can change. she has hope for this.

these words, of course, immediately cause me anger that sprouts from compassion, sadness, pity for her, for her heart. but at the same time-God puts a mirror in front of my face and shows me how i have had a history of being just as dysfunctional. disbelieving His desire for my love journey just as much as my friend.

i have subjected myself to a different kind of abuse. one of hurtful words, lack of maturity, wanting men who were still boys, looking for my confidence and fulfillment in the eyes of men. boys who didn't love me with the love that flows from the Spirit of Truth.

all for the fear of being alone.

the old me would pray for my friend, that she would wake-up and realize that she was being foolish and the old me would call her crazy that she won't just leave him.

but i see now. i see how desperate our hearts are when we don't believe God and when we don't believe what He says about us as women. that we are beloved. that He wants us to know the truth about ourselves-the one that comes from communing with our creator. that our hearts are to be treasured and treated with kind, encouraging, life-breathing words. and what happens when we aren't healed from our pasts.

we find home in what we've always had. and for a lot of us, it's not God's best.

so i pray not only for sara, not only for myself, but for all women. that we be set free from the addiction that our world loves to make us believe will be our salvation.