musicians beware

i've discovered what my problem is:
i am inherently & probably through my wounded self, attracted to the exact kind of person that is horrible for me.

recently it's manifested itself in a musician. in the past it's been other extremely creative types.

i dated the theatre major. his drama was too much.
i dated the philanthropist-actually 2 of them who each had their own non-profit orgs. their obligation to save the world was exhausting.
i dated the writer. he was a freak. seriously. scared me.
i dated the chef. he was amazing but older with needs i would never go for.
and now i've dated the musician. i was blinded by his beauty.

but you see-it IS MY problem. it's not creative people that is the problem. it's me. i force it. i am attracted myself to the drama. i'm afraid of it being good. i don't trust it if it's easy. and frankly i get bored. and more often than not, the difficulty accompanies a creative spirit.

it's sick. i know. i need prayer.

i'm still such a child.

part of the problem is that i am attracted to the right kind of men-in fleating moments-but for some reason, maybe the big man upstairs knows this dysfunction hasn't totally worked itself out of my system.

or maybe-as a wise woman told me-i just haven't met him yet. it will just come together then.