i genuinely apologize to those of you who i've not fully listened to. also, to those of you who i've invalidated with all of my 'suggestions' or 'advice'. i was told that i do this to my father (on his birthday of all days) and it caused me a great deal of sadness. cuz i would never want someone to feel that way & i know know how it feels on the other end. ~~sorry~~

i have a friend right now whom it's really hard to be around. she's moody & unpredictable & pretty self-absorbed. and annoying. me, i, me, me. that's pretty much the way each sentence from her mouth starts. i really liked harping on her yesterday, throwing my frustration around, my disappointment (to my parents-thanks for listening guys).

then i had some time with some good friends & was filled-up with concern & fun & real-life, now. babies & giggles & diapers. talk of music & movies & fashion...heart stuff & recipes. anything's game.

then i saw my frustrating circumstance for what it really was-(and something i suffer from) is the need for attention. a crying-out. a lack of confidence.

i really like hanging out with people who are in different stages in their life then myself. being young & single & 'free to do whatever i/we want' lends itself to a lot of posturing & b.s.---cuz we only have to think about feeding ourselves & making sure we do enough laundry so that we have at least clean underwear (well, some of us)--

so the rest of our time *me being the most guilty of this* is spent analyzing things & putting energy towards stuff that's plain-old not eternal. i think my 2 greatest sins have always been 1)self-pity & 2)self-interest. we're gonna do both of these, it's our human nature, but as the years pass & the time, i feel, that is wasted on these 2 endeavors, the more i feel the lord giving me perspective, saying...

'just be thankful, this sends me into action.'

i like parents. i like grandparents. the things they think about seem a bit more meaty.