so...my good friend (once best) and first love, is engaged.
this is the guy i was sure would never commit to any one woman-just take all the best from each one & leave them alone, wondering.
his dad is on his fourth wife. i know that's his biggest fear-that he'll end-up just like him.
he & i used to talk about marriage a lot. and about our future children.
when he loved the Lord, i couldn't think of anything i wanted more than to spend the rest of my life with him.
he felt like home.
i hope he can love this woman well.

but that chapter is closed now.
the chapter where i was:
'moving on' but silently & subconsciously waiting for him to turn back to God so we could get married and have GORGEOUS hippybabies and travel & speak Spanish & cook together & create together.

so i have to really move on now--which i think is really fun to think about.

i guess i've been being forced to start-over a lot lately. it's been refreshing & scary. but i look at my life even from a year ago & i see how much has changed.
and i'm so amazed. i'm so thankful.
i see things happening. hearts changing, right before my eyes. (including mine)
and i know the only reason for this is due to a forced letting go.
forced, because if i didn't-i would have lost my mind & my heart.

so thanks. to you, out there who pushed me to my edge. and forced me to step-out into the realm of 'out of control'
cuz the truth is **gasp** i am.