so...i'm just gonna say today, that i'm amazed.

it is true that if we pray about something it is more effective than nagging or even suggesting.

i see God working on a DAILY BASIS in the heart/life of the 'special someone' in my life. (more on that later...with pictures)

he is one of my best friends (don't think we haven't been through tough stuff) and we've now been given the chance to know eachother more intimately.

it's not at all what i expected.

i always thought that i loved adventure, the unknown.

i had no idea He was going to give me that in a relationship.

but just when i start to figure him/us/myself out, God does something. to remind me that this is a faith walk...one that i feel blind on, mostly.

makes me go back to the core truths that are unchanging. things he taught me while i was in the waiting. things about how love is not about 'getting what i deserve' but serving. that there is a supernatural working-out of getting what it is we need by not focusing on it.

everything is changing.

at least in me...and each morning i wake-up a bit scared and a bit excited. cuz i feel like i'm always on the brink of something.

i'm in a total funk tonight.
i feel like my confidence is being tested.
for so long i've just been 'confident'...well-liked...

but i'm starting to think that it's been a show.
it's been easy all these years cuz i've surrounded myself with people that agree with me. (at least my friends)
what the hell do you do when you find yourself falling in love with someone who will call you out?
someone who isn't fooled by the grin and nod?

i say & most of the time believe that a healthy lifestyle is good.
i am addicted to mcdonalds ice cream cones and kettle chips.

i say i love to workout & feel my body get strong.
i have not worked-out in over a month & i'm determined (today) to find a way to delay it even longer.

i say i want to know the Word.
i have a great oppurtunity to do so with good friends of mine & i continue to put it off.

i say that i value communication and listening skills.
i have the hardest time hearing people out & being misunderstood.

I CANNOT RUN AWAY FROM IT WITH HIM & IT FREAKS ME OUT.
(he has no idea) but i'm forced to shut my mouth and DO the things i have always talked about.

i'll let you know how it goes.

'For the land, into which you are entering to possess it, is not like the land of Egypt from which you came, where you used to sow your seed and water it with your foot like a vegetable garden.

But the land into which you are about to cross to possess it, a land of hills and valleys, drinks water from the rain of heaven,
a land for which the LORD your God cares; the eyes of the LORD your God are always on it, from the beginning even to the end of the year.'
deuteronomy 11:10

'the lie that you are believing is that you have to fight for your love'

there is no love like His love. i choose to let Him love me.

i don't have to fight anymore.