jeff buckley: beauty & depression
when i listen to jeff buckley i am reminded of the me that found my home in sadness, sorrow and deep self-pity.
when i listen to jeff buckley i'm amazed at the ability God has to infuse one man with such astounding talent, passion, soul-shaking desperation and beauty.
his music paints pictures, and when i hear him weep as he sings i am reminded of the times when my soul hurt so badly that to drown it somehow would have been paradise for me.
i guess you could say i've changed. i think that i needed to live that time of my life to know what it meant to swim in darkness without hope of breath.
but hope is just what i have found-and sometimes i'm tempted to go back, there are days i miss the excruciating pain. like i'm missing out on something.
but i see now how real pain happens outside of me creating it-life, in fact, happens. relationships fall apart, family members hurt eachother, people's parents die, people get discouraged, peoples dreams don't happen. people get diseases, people go bankrupt, people get divorced. people's loved ones get killed in car accidents...
and i guess all i'm left with is: joy is an ok thing to feel. peace is also an ok thing. the season of deep introspection may have passed-only to return at a later date. but i guess when i was finally able to see the beauty that is outside of me...and how it's redemptive-i really don't wanna go back.
mike wolfe-a great guy from high school had this revelation several years before me. i saw him in borders book store and he was pickin up some cds. keep in mind this was the introspective, deep-thinking, intellectual, fun, but not too vulnerable kind of guy. he was pickin up a st. germain disc, some jazz fusion and a little rolling stones.
he said something i've never forgotten-at a wise 22 years old, 'i'm done with all that depressing shit-there's so much good stuff out there that actually inspires me.'
posted by e. rene @ 12:01 PM
3 Comments:
i'm always a little hesitant to read your posts, eeka - they hit too close to home sometimes.
this is one of them.
i like what mike said, for me it was (and sometimes still is) throwing in dashboard confessional, john mayer, or radiohead (the bends only, their other stuff spooks me) and moping about the pain of yearning for The Girl. you know, the mythical being that exists only in my mind....
long story short, i feel you. i like being joyful much better. as it were, so does Jesus :) (read romans 15:13.)
Hey Erica,
Thanks for the words. Glad you've seen the "other side." Of course, it only means something after you've been on both sides.
I had to laugh though, most days I strive for that, but rarely do I achieve it.
Be well,
Mike
ahha. yearning for The Girl. thought yearning for The Boy was only something i did.
megs said something very wise to me the other night-once we really tap into the knowing that the whole love thing is really taken care of--that really we're out of control--is only when we're able to really move on.
and of course it always creeps up. but i think that's just to remind us whose taking care of it & us...
at least that's what im starting to think. and then i get real excited.
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